Sunday, 14 March 2010

Happy Mothers Day!

Today has been quite eventful. Let me share with you a little story if I may.

Last week my Dad rang me to see if I was coming home for Mothers Day, saying that he, my Mom, my brother, my two Nans, my Auntie Debbie and my cousins Sam and Jay were all going for a meal and wanted to know if I wanted a place booking for me too. I decided it would probably be a good idea as otherwise my Mom would get all upset and what not, despite me not liking the place they were going to eat.

So Debbie phoned to book a table at The Thorns Carvery only to find out that they weren't taking bookings and were simply seating people on a first come first serve basis.

At 1.30 we met outside the carvery as arranged, only to find that there was an hour wait on tables. The pub was absolutely packed! We agreed to the wait however as everywhere else would probably have a similar wait, we only had one car between 9 of us and no one had bought any food to cook at home, so it's off to the bar we trek while we wait to be called for our table.

An hour later Debbie decides to go and ask where in the queue we are, only to find out that there are still another 10 groups in front of us. However, we were reassured that it would not be much longer as once they had got the group of 18 and the group of 22 out of the restaurant they would be able to start getting through the queue quicker.

Soon there were only 8 groups in front.

6 groups.

3 groups.

Then we were called.

Once we had got to our table we then had to go and queue again for our food, by this time my very impatient auntie was speaking at the top of her lungs as she so often does when she is irritated.

By 4 o'clock we were finally seated with our food and everyone stopped talking and began to eat but the place where they had sat us was boiling. Nathan got up and opened a window which helped a little but it was still rather hot so off come all unnecessary clothing. Soon enough Nathan, Jay, Sam and myself had finished our food and I hurried off to the bar to get another glass of coke as I was still so hot.

As I waited at the bar I looked over at the table and saw my Mom and Debbie standing up - surely they aren't ready to go yet, they still had plates full of food when I left a moment ago. Next thing I know Mom is at my side, "Your Nanny Maureen has just been sick." Then comes the retching. "On to the table?" I ask. "Into a napkin." More retching. "Fetch her a glass of water."

By the time I got back to the table everyone bar my Dad have pushed their plates to the side and are looking at my Nan horrified as Debbie cleans the sick off the floor and Nan sheepishly wipes her trousers dry.

Staff continue to come over with blue roll and cloths to wipe the floor with and Mom apologises to the table next to us who have also pushed their plates to the side.

Dad tells Nathan to turn the radiator behind us down as the heat is causing the smell to rise and then tucks back into his lunch while Sam has turned her chair in to the wall and is sitting with her back to the rest of the family, covering her face with her hand.

It gets worse.

Debbie then decides that it is time for them to leave as Nan has embarrassed everyone and put not only our table but the one next to us off our food and starts to walk out. - For anyone who has met my auntie they will know that this is not a quiet lady and she not one to hold her tongue..

"Cor tek yo' bloody no wear!" She shouts across the pub at my Nan, "Shoein' us up laike that!"

Jay follows, looking at Nan who is sheepishly getting off her sicken seat and making her way across the pub, "Mom, why don't you hold her arm."

"Why doe you?!"

"She's covered in sick."

Sam follows, looking at the floor the entire time.

Mom goes out with them all to get some air while Dad stays seated, oblivious to the commotion and continues to eat as though nothing has happened. Seconds later Mom and Debbie come back in asking Dad for money, he hands them a tenner which they then try and force on to the ladies at the next table as a way of saying sorry for ruining their meal. They politely refuse and Mom and Debbie turn away.

"'Er sez it's 'cause th' stuffin' was too cheesy. 'A sed "No it ay it's 'cause you threw it don' yer neck s'fast!" 'Er piles 'er plate up then ates it in seconds!"

Debbie once again storms out the pub, followed by Mom and Nathan to say goodbye to everyone as their lift in the form of Sam's chavy-good-for-nothing-boyfriend has arrived.

Later on our way to our car we re-tell the story to each other, commenting on peoples reactions and how embarrassing the day has been. Mom fills us in on a few of the comments that took place outside while waiting for their lift.

Debbie: "Janice has waeted two hours fer a carrot on a pae!"

Nan: (To my Mom while getting into the car)"I won't kiss you Janice."
Mom: "Good."


I think it is fair to say that this is a Mothers Day we shall not forget in a hurry, even though we may wish we could!!

4 comments:

Andy said...

Hahah omg. So awkward. I laughed lots. Haha. Bad.

franis_alice said...

That really made me smile.

I feel it is important to highlight the most important star of the story though...God I your love bloody dad!!!!

Mustard Bean said...

He just sat there saying to my other Nan, "They don't have a cast iron stomach like you and me."

Haggis said...

Why am I genuinely not surprised by any of that story? LOL

Just another day living the Cole way :p

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