Monday, 25 April 2011

Miss independent said, oh she fell in love

I'm a little left off centre
I'm a little out of tune
Sometimes, being the girl that i am, i get a little irrational.
Sometimes, that time of the month gets to take over. If only for a second.
Sometimes, i get that feeling, and i worry without cause.
Sometimes, i need to force myself to switch my brain off.
Sometimes, it won't.

This is like nothing that has ever gone before, i don't feel upset, i don't feel paranoid, i don't feel as though the expected unexpectable is about to happen. I'm not second guessing and i'm not losing faith. I am simply falling. Falling, so incredibly fast into this amazing thing that i have wanted to be a part of for such a long time. Falling, into something that i never want to end. I am falling so fast that all i am wishing on is the future. That is the problem.

I'm so absorbed in this incredible feeling that i am forgetting to take time. I'm thinking so far ahead, about next week, next month, next year, even beyond that, that i am forgetting to experience the now.

Sometimes, i feel that i am so excited by the prospect of the future, that i miss the present.
Sometimes, i feel that i am currently so happy, that i am blind to the negatives.
Sometimes, i feel that i want so badly to be a part of this, that i am losing my independence.
Sometimes, i fear that i am so involved in being half of a pair that i forget how to live on my own.
Sometimes, i have to fight with everything that is in me to simply 'not care' just as much as i do.

My weakness is that i care too much <3

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

i wrote 222 words.

it seems the people who write in these books that i borrow are far too intelligent for my brain to follow. or maybe they're just dumb and over complicate sentences as not to draw attention to their lack of education. perhaps this is how i should approach my dissertation.

Tuesday, 12 April 2011

a collection of self doubt

The day grates away at me
passion falls to my feet
floating on by, trying not to drown
today is the beginning of hard times

I look in the mirror and all that’s reflected is failure
and I don’t stop to cry, I bottle it up and carry on

Sleep is calling me like a landslide
that I only wish I could crawl under
but to give in would be murder
so instead I lay awake and dream

With eyes open empty
and hearts full of hope
and wishing the passion still clung to myself
I look to the picture of you and i

Hope is restored
hope for the future
when this place is done and over

I wish away the time
for my life to start again
forget the past three years
of wasted money and effort
all in the name of a certificate to state for the record
how successfully I failed to amount to anything at all

I return home a nobody
with nothing to be proud of
except for the picture of you and i