Tuesday, 22 February 2011

nightmares and fairytales

sometimes horrible things happen, things that you cannot erase from your memory no matter how hard you try. you close your eyes and you are met with the image of that moment, that event, that nightmare. your sleep becomes disturbed and no matter how hard you try you can not switch off from it.

yet despite the living nightmare, despite the tears and the panic attacks and the fear, there is still that person who holds your hand, who smiles at you across a room, who secretly grazes your hand and sends you reassuring text messages. a person who in an instant makes you forget the nightmare, and for that moment, welcomes in a brand new dream.

a person who brings you back to life.

Friday, 18 February 2011


It's something everyone should have, something they should hold on to with all their power. It is something that defines a person, that makes them unique. Something that keeps them going, even through the tough times. It is the reason to get up in the morning and the want to face the day ahead. It is the reason to sleep, as well as the reason not to.

It is something, that recently, i have lost.

I don't know where it went, and I'm not quite sure when, but I do have a small idea why I lost it.

The place I came to study, to learn more about my passion, to help it grow, eventually became the thing that killed it. I don't see the point anymore, and I don't regret the decisions I make. Getting up and putting on my make up is a task, a chore. I no longer have that enthusiasm I once had.

I'm not academic, I'm not the top of the class anymore, and it seems that no matter how hard I try to change that, that others will still get further ahead without trying. I work twice as hard to be half as good.

I watch television shows and crave to feel the passion that the fictional characters dancing across my screen feel. I long to have someone script my life out for me and to give me the motivation I had three years ago already built in.

But three years ago was a long time ago, and what I had then I don't now. I am a different person, a person I, on a whole, prefer. But I am a person without spark, without motivation, without enthusiasm and without passion.

And now, instead, I wait for the day my 'real' life can begin.

Thursday, 17 February 2011

I find the way you write so endearing
The way you hold the paper in your hand
The way you slouch about on messy cushions
Never daring to make a sound when

The TV is on and it’s late at night
Our favourite movie’s playing all night long
The snow falls on the windowsill outside it’s cold
Hot chocolate, wrapped up, holding hands it is
Another winter, another day
Another hour I have spent with you
Time passes slowly, I have to say
That I'm glad that I spent it with you
Spent it with you

Tuesday, 15 February 2011


It's amazing how something someone said 9 months ago can suddenly make everything that is wrong with this day now so right again.

To look through that little book of happiness someone made you a year and a half ago and to see the things people said that you felt were so special that they deserved their own little page for days like these makes you realise just how long that special person has been special for.

Even before you knew they were.

Thank you for being part of my life and for always being that special person, even before we both knew it. You make me smile on my blue days.