Friday, 18 February 2011


It's something everyone should have, something they should hold on to with all their power. It is something that defines a person, that makes them unique. Something that keeps them going, even through the tough times. It is the reason to get up in the morning and the want to face the day ahead. It is the reason to sleep, as well as the reason not to.

It is something, that recently, i have lost.

I don't know where it went, and I'm not quite sure when, but I do have a small idea why I lost it.

The place I came to study, to learn more about my passion, to help it grow, eventually became the thing that killed it. I don't see the point anymore, and I don't regret the decisions I make. Getting up and putting on my make up is a task, a chore. I no longer have that enthusiasm I once had.

I'm not academic, I'm not the top of the class anymore, and it seems that no matter how hard I try to change that, that others will still get further ahead without trying. I work twice as hard to be half as good.

I watch television shows and crave to feel the passion that the fictional characters dancing across my screen feel. I long to have someone script my life out for me and to give me the motivation I had three years ago already built in.

But three years ago was a long time ago, and what I had then I don't now. I am a different person, a person I, on a whole, prefer. But I am a person without spark, without motivation, without enthusiasm and without passion.

And now, instead, I wait for the day my 'real' life can begin.

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