Thursday, 26 November 2009

Because of you

Because of you I find it hard to trust
Because of you I am affraid
Because of you I can't let anyone in
Because of you I lie awake at night
Because of you I ruin it everytime

You have no idea just how much you broke me. But you did.

Thursday, 19 November 2009

I'm a dick. I'm addicted to you.

I didn't think you would be the guy I would drunkenly cry over. I thought that phase had passed, that you were the one who was going to break that cycle. Maybe I was wrong. Hopefully I was wrong about being wrong.

I don't think you're the guy who is going to use me.
I don't think you're the guy I need to create barriers against to protect me from.
I don't think you're the guy I cry about because I don't trust you.

I think you're the guy I cry over because I care.
I think you're the guy I'm affraid to fall for because I know it won't just be a momentory thing.
I think you're the guy who is going to break down my barriers.
I think you're the guy I'm going to finally let in.
I think you're the guy who is going to make me learn to trust again.
I think you're the guy who is going to make give 110% without even knowing.
I think you're the guy who is never going to break my heart without meaning to.
I think you're the guy I am going to love one day.

That is why I drunkenly cry over you.

It is because I care.
It is because I don't want to hurt you.
It is because I don't want you to hurt me.
It is because I am scared to let you in because of every bad thing every other guy has ever done.
It is because I know I am already falling for you and I am scared it is too soon.
It is because I know you are already falling for me and I am scared it is too soon.
It is because you are the guy who has already started to break down my walls I've built and I don't want to put them back up.
It is because I am scared of letting you down, of being too closed off because of the past.

So I send you long messages. And I cry when I get home. Not because you've hurt me, but because you've made me care and I'm scared that I may have hurt you.

I care more than you will know, because it would not 'be cool' to tell you, because I am scared to let you kow just how much you already have me.

I care. And it scares me, because all it has ever led to in the past is pain and me looking like a fool.

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

You found me
When no one else was looking

How did you know just where I would be
You broke through all of my confusion
I guess that you saw what nobody could see

The good and the bad and the things in between

You found me

All the things I've been through the past few months, they're all over now. And I only have one person to thank. And that's you.

My friends have all been there for me, pulled me up countless times, stopped me doing silly things when I completely lost myself, and then along came you. The lyrics quite literally sum it up perfectly. You found me, when I had given up on Princes and Princess', love stories and happily ever afters you showed me that actually they do exist. Right when I had stopped believing.

It's such a cliche that we met how we did.. Playing the male and female leads in the Christmas panto, and it is so amazing that we don't have to just act the chemistry but actually have it in real life.

There are so many things about you I already adore, me, the girl who a few weeks ago was a closed off cold hearted bitch who had stopped letting anyone new, especially boys, into her life because she had been hurt so many times before, is now adoring things about another person!

You make me smile lots and you make me laugh, I can be 100% myself around you and I know you'll still like me, you make me want to spend all the time in the world with you when we're together and miss you like crazy when you're gone. I want to wake up next to you in a morning and fall asleep with you at night, i want to watch you sleep and look after you when you are drunk. You have this cute little smile you do and your laugh instantly makes me happy. I like the way you smell when you come round and I like how your smell changes while you're here, I like how my room is filled of your smell when you leave and how it gives me something to cuddle up to at night when you're not here. I like the smile you reserve for me only and I like the way you switch eyes when you look at me. I like how I get annoyed at your "I win" so much, but never enough to actually be properly pissed off or annoyed. I like how you wake me up when I'm tired and how in a morning I'm generally in a better mood if you're there. I like how I want to make plans with you for random days out and for your birthday and how you let me make them and don't make me feel silly. I like the way your hands touch my back when we're kissing. I like the way you tease me. I like how you lock your arms around me just right when we go to sleep and I like how you stay calm when I hit you or shout at you for snoring. I like how after one night you bought snoring silence because you knew we'd be spending more than that one night together. I like how I care enough to get jealous of a hoover on your neck and I like how you act when you're a complete drunken fool. I like the way you kiss my forehead and the way you play with my blonde bit of hair. I like the silly things we talk about and I like holding hands with you when we walk places.

I like all these things about you and I still have more I could say.

It makes me smile the things you say to me, like when you compared my eyes to the feeling you got when you first saw Man Utd and how you couldn't look away. It makes me smile how you said you're falling for me, because I don't want to be the only one falling.

I have been lonely for a long time. And I have been hurt many times. I have been broken and I have fixed, and every time I've glued myself back together I've fallen apart again, but I don't find myself breaking this time, and I don't think you're the guy who would do that to me. I think you're the guy I've been waiting for, the one who is finally going to put me back together for good, the one who will make me smile even when I'm feeling down, the one who will come and sit with me when I am ill and laugh at my DVD collection. You're the boy they talk about in fairy tales, and once again I believe in Princes and Princess', in love and happily ever afters. I believe in all that again because of you <3

And you said "This is the first day of my life
I'm glad I didn't die before I met you
But now I don't care I could go anywhere with you
And I'd probably be happy"