Sunday, 28 March 2010

For all those time you stood by me

As I sit back and wait for my parents to pick me up from uni for the Easter holidays I take some time to reflect on the last few months of my life and of my friends lives. I put pictures, cards, cinema tickets, notes and other special objects onto my wall and I remember all of the things I have to be thankful for, all of the friends I owe endlessly for their friendships and all of the honour and respect I owe to each and every one of my friends.

The last few months have been a bit up and down in many ways, for both me and my friends. I have been a shoulder to few and seeked a shoulder from many.

This is the first time in a long time I feel anywhere near whole. I have made some pretty huge mistakes on my journey back here, I have got lost a few too many times and been left to wander in the dark when my light has gone out, and each time someone has found me. Each time someone has given me a hand and pulled me back up, they have carried me when I have no longer been able to walk and they have been my voice when I have not been able to speak. And some, have just given me the massive kick in the ass I needed!

Sharing my life with so many wonderful people fills me with not only a lot of hope but a huge amount of certainty and belief. Because of these people I know that it is possible to find your way back out of the darkest pit of hellish pain you have ever felt, I believe that a smile can never be completely lost, it is just trying to find its way back to you, and I am more aware now of the people around me and their feelings.

You get knocked down nine times, you get up ten

I wish I could tell all of my friends just how proud I am of each and every one of them. I wish I had the words so I could thank them for everything they have each done for me. For every song played to me, for every
Friends quote quoted to me, for every cup of tea made, for every moment spent sat in silence, for every moment spent sat in noise, for every text and every call, for each kind word said to me, for each hard word said to me that maybe stung at times but that I needed to hear, that I needed to be told, for each look of knowing that only a true friend can give, for each car drive, for each trip to the shop to get food neither of us really wanted or needed but decided to buy anyway just for some comfort, for something to do, for each time I should have been judged and looked down on and wasn't, for each supportive word said to me no matter how much or how little I deserved it
, for always being there regardless.

This is the first time in a long time I feel anywhere near whole. And all I can say is
Thank you.

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