Thursday, 31 December 2009

My 2009

I have had a lot of 'first times' in 2009. Some good, some bad. All memorable.

Before this year I had never spoken to 'downstairs', I had never been to Kiddy Tesco, I had never slept on so many peoples floors in one week. I had never had a water fight indoors, I had never seen a mask performance, I had never been so drunk I couldn't remember anything the next day, I had never done pub golf, I had never been to Newquay, I had never been on holiday with my friends, I had never dressed up as a tree. I had never been to London for more than a day trip with school, I had never lived in university halls, I had never acted in a film, I had never performed in a full mask performance, I had never been on the news, I had never moved away from home, I had never paid my own bills, I had never had a lead role or a solo, I had never been in a panto, I had never seen a panto! I had never fallen for the lead role, I had never had an offstage romance, I had never been cheated on, I had never been lied about so badly by the person who was "falling in love with me", I had never confronted someone so bravely and calmly, I had never lost all emotions because it all got too much for me, I had never stopped eating for a week because I physically wasn't able to, I had never had my own camera, I had never dressed up as Sporty Spice and danced with inflatable microphones, I had never ordered photos online, I had never done a lot of things.

2009 has been quite different from 2008, yet in many ways it has also been very similar.
I have been hurt beyond measure, and I have found friends who have glued me back together countless times.

The roads I'm walking are still winding in and out of other peoples roads, bringing new people into my life and taking other people away, sometimes its painful when someone leaves, sometimes though, its the right thing.

I have met some amazing people and had some brilliant unforgettable experiences, experiences I know I will never get the chance at again, I have made memories with people I might never see again but I know I will never forget them, as nor will they.

It has been difficult to remember all the amazing things I have done this year as the pain of the last month shadows over it, but I know that that was just a painful bump in my road I had to go over, there was no way to swerve and avoid it, maybe I even needed it to teach me things, to help me become thicker skinned, to make me able to face confrontation.

I have spent too long recently focusing on the negatives. With a new year arriving I think its time I learnt to ignore the pain I still feel and look at it in a positive way - I got hurt, I learnt from it, I became thicker skinned and I had the strength to walk away. I know now more than ever what I am not going to accept from people, I know now how to say what I want.

I hope 2010 won't bring all the pain 2008 and 2009 have, and I think it really is time to focus on me and no one else for a while. I had a brilliant summer and that was down to me. I guess 2010 is only going to be what I make it. So let's hope I make it a goodun!

1 comment:

Lord Llanover said...

Happy New Year :)
Love you

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