Thursday, 31 December 2009

My 2008

I wrote this one year ago today...

2008. It’s been a bit of an emotional roller coaster.
It started with a boyfriend, a partner, someone I though I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I had plans for the future. A destiny.
But that destiny has changed now, making room for 2009, a magical time. I hope.
It’s amazing how quickly a plan can be changed, how in an instant, without even realising, your whole life can change the course it’s taking.
Destiny is a funny thing.
The roads we walk are constantly winding, merging into other peoples roads, sometimes merging back out as quickly as they merged in, sometimes never leaving. 2008 has taught me this better than any other year.
I’ve made new friends, new enemies, had new hopes and lost old ones. I’ve gained inspiration and lost inspiration, I’ve become focussed and lost focus.
Determination and drive have pushed me the whole way to stick at things I thought I couldn’t and to let me give in when I knew the time was right.
I’ve discovered that some people will hurt you in the most painful of ways without even realising it, others will do it because they think it’s the right thing to do, and you will always find that someone who will pull you through it all; who will stay awake with you and cry with you, who will make you laugh when you feel its impossible, who will stay when everyone else has left, right when you feel the most alone you’ve ever been.
I’ve discovered in 2008 that you’re never alone, even when you feel it more than anything else; there is always someone around the corner waiting to pick you up and make you smile.
A smile can never really be lost, its just trying to find its way back to you.
You can cry a million tears, but in the end, it’s the smiles you remember and the people who make them.
A stranger can walk into your life and straight back out without you even knowing their name but can make the biggest influence on the person you are today without even realising it.
Its moments that make us. Sometimes, they’re so small you never even recognise them, other times they’re huge, destroying and changing everything in its path. Sometimes you don’t even see them coming, but it’s not what they do that makes us, but what we do because of them.
I’ve had my heart broken, and I’ve broken some hearts too. Sometimes you turn into a person you never even knew existed; sometimes you become someone you hate. 2008 has had moments like these but thankfully; I’ve always bounced back.
If it wasn’t for the heartache I wouldn’t be who I am right now. And right now, I like who I am quite a lot.
I’m braver than ever, I have confidence and self believe. I know now that I will make it one day, although I don’t know when; I will be where I want to be. I know this now more than ever before. So for that, I thank the heartache, and the change, and the moments. I thank the winding roads and the people they have bought in and out of my life, I thank the strangers I’ve met along the way and I look forward to the ones I will meet in 2009. It is because of all the pain I’ve been through in 2008 that has made it such a good year and has made me sure that 2009 will be just as great.
So I end this year quite the opposite to how I started it. Single, with no plans for the future, other than what I intend to achieve on my own, by my own right. I still have a lot to learn and a lot of room to grow. I’m not ready to compromise again just yet, because right now, I’m standing on my own two feet, mapping out my own roads alone. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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