Monday, 7 December 2009


It's amazing how much can happen in a week. How many peoples lives can change. How many friends can be made and how many friends can be lost, all because of one lie.

Finally the truth has come out. I was right all along. I was right to be jealous. I was right not to trust you. I was right not to give up that one thing that would have made me yours. I was right to speak to the source. I was right to hold back my friends fire until I knew. I was right to end it. I was right.

They always say I read too much into things, that I look for trouble. I take something perfect and try to find all the imperfections in it because I need it to be wrong and bad and tainted. But I only look for these things because I always know that in the end I'm going to be right. And I was. Again.

It's the lies that hurt the most. The lies you've told me about the feelings you've had. The lies you've told me about people who were once my friends and how you've turned me against them. The lies you've told people about me and the new friends I've lost because of it.

You made me open up and you made me give more than I was willing to because you made me believe I could trust you. I told you my stories and my fears and feelings and you reassured me that you would never hurt me, when all along you knew that already you were hurting me, I just hadn't realised yet.

And then you lied. Again and again and again. You made me feel stupid for being jealous when really I was right all along. You made me believe that she was crazy and reading into things when really you were telling her the same all along about me. I gave you the chance to end it so many times and you said you couldn't, that you didn't want to, that you just wanted to be with me. And then you went home to her and used the exact same lines on her. And she believed you too.

I should be breaking. I should be crying and unable to go on. But I don't even have that anymore. I can't feel anything because I don't think my emotions exist anymore. You bought me out of the hole I was in and dropped me into a pit. And you loved me along the way.

Of all the people who have hurt me I never thought you would. I never thought you would turn out to be the person who made me incapable of feeling because honestly, I believed in you.

I meant every single word I said to you.

Every single feeling I felt was real.

Each time I cried, I cried because I meant it.

Now I don't even have that. You mean nothing to me now. You're just a boy I once knew. A boy who broke my heart and added to all the hurt that I already carry round with me. You made me trust you and then you took it all away because of one lie. One lie I didn't even look for. One lie I had no idea about. One lie you could have confessed to weeks ago. One lie you didn't even need to start in the first place.

I hope you're happy now.

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