Saturday, 16 January 2010

The roads we walk are winding

This has been, for me, a week of revelations, of both myself and my friends and my friends friends.

It amazes me how someone who can love you can cause so much pain and not even realise what they are doing. And it amazes how someone can carry on loving you no matter how much you continue to hurt them. And it amazes me how much a friend can be there for you and not even feel put out by the sleepless nights or the hugs or endless cups of tea, because they honestly love you and would do anything to keep that smile on your face.

It shocks me how much your body can actually cope with, how even after having no sleep for days it can still manage to function and get through the day. It shocks me still how much a cup of tea in the morning can make you a happier person. It shocks me how you can ignore everything your body is telling you it needs and how you can carry on, sitting up, watching, making sure someone else sleeps OK.

It makes me smile, knowing that the favour would always be returned if it was ever needed, and it makes me smile knowing that nothing is ever asked in return of it, just seeing the smile again is enough.

It amazes me how blind some people can be, how they can sit in their room and be oblivious to everything that is going on around them. It amazes me how shut off they can be from the world and how much human emotions fly over them like the wind on a car bonnet as it speeds down a winding road, never actually touching it. It shocks me the bluntness someone can have, how they can look but not see, and how to them it is completely normal and acceptable.

A lot of things shock me.
A lot of things amaze me.
A lot of things continue to make me smile.
A lot of things make me proud.

I am proud to say I know some of these people, and I am proud to say I am nothing like others, I am proud to watch my friends grow stronger, I am proud to call them my friends.

Some people, I admit, I wouldn't mind never seeing again. The dream world they live in annoys me and I cannot believe how shut off some people can be from reality, they play no part in my life apart from the annoyance down the hall, but I guess I need these people to appreciate the people who do matter.

It is nice to know someone notices your efforts, and it is nice to be thanked, just as nice as it is to be able to thank someone else. Sometimes it's the tiniest things that have the biggest impact, that mean the most, like the moving of shoes from the centre of the room, or the making of a drink without asking. But the greatest thing is knowing that you have done everything you could to make someone else feel better, knowing that even if the problem hasn't gone away they know that you will always be there for them, whenever, wherever they may need you. And it is nice knowing that they would do exactly the same for you.

This is why the people who are my friends are my friends, and this is why the people who are not aren't. It is why I do not regret a single friend I have lost and it is why I do not regret a single friend I have made, because really, when it comes down to it, the ones that matter are already here, and the ones that don't or only did for a while played their part while they were here. The ones who are no longer a part of my life, I miss, of course, but I would never regret losing them because they are no longer meant to play a part in my life. Some of them had the biggest impacts while they were present, and for that I will always be grateful, but as always, people must come in and out of your life as the roads merge as required. It's all part of gr owning up, and I am so glad I get to grow up like this!


Lord Llanover said...

Sorry My shoes are always in the centre of your room :P

Andy said...

Nice post. Makes me thoughtful. I am sometimes oblivious to the fast paced things around me, then get annoyed when I snap back in that I could have missed things. Its one of the things I wanted to try not to do this year. x

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