Monday, 25 January 2010


I want to write something but I don't know what.
I have a lot of thoughts going on in my head at the moment, most of them are driving me mad.
I wish I could go back to when everything was simple, when you didn't get bogged down with thoughts about every single move you make, every single word you say. But I can't and it's not. Not any more.

Things get complicated as you get older, it's something I have learnt about a lot recently, it is something I write about a lot too.

But no matter how complicated things might get there is always, eventually, going to be a way out of it, a way around it, a time when eventually things will stop being complicated and just go back to normal. Eventually.

Eventually can be a long time. Eventually is a long time.

I don't want to wait for eventually, I don't want to worry over silly little things which weeks ago wouldn't have bothered me, I don't want to stay awake at night thinking things over or texting friends asking for advice I'm never going to listen to anyway.

Eventually is a good thing when it finally comes. For the eventuallys that have happened I am glad. And I am glad for a lot of things, not just for me but for other people too. I am :)

It's nice to have a smile on your face, it's nice to fill up reading beautiful words you haven't seen in a long time, it's nice to laugh until you almost pee your pants, it's nice to take masses of photos of times out you never want to forget, of all the eventuallys that have finally happened. But it sucks waiting for the ones still to come.

Somedays I wish I could see in to the future, to know that soon it will change for the better or to know the outcome of that annoyingly persistent wrong feeling that just won't go away, to know that you'll get out of it alive, that everyone will. But then I guess what's the point. What's the point in living it if you already know what is going to happen.

So I sit and I wait it out, this 'eventually' I hope will come one day. One day soon. And I hope that when it does come things will be the same, that things won't have to change for it to appear.

Because quite honestly, I don't think I could cope if things changed.

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