Thursday, 24 September 2009

Treat 'em mean, Keep 'em keen

I wish I could figure him out. It drives me crazy how much he gets into my head without even doing anything! But I guess that's the whole point right?!

Hes hot and hes cold and it is literally driving me mad! I can't think of anything else but him, and he doesn't even realise.

I wonder if he would still do it if he knew how it makes me feel, and I wonder if I should tell him I'm falling for him and then I wonder if he'd really care.

It's annoying how different boys and girls are. I'm not the most high maintenance of people, I'm happy to have my own space and be independent, in fact it's what I love more about my life than anything else, but still, a text every now and then, even if it's just to say hi wouldn't go a miss! That is all I'm asking for. Is that really too much?!

He hasn't text in over 3 days, not a word, and if it wasn't for how it ended last time it wouldn't bother me but I feel like I'm relationship limbo. I'm not taken, but in my heart I'm not single either. Sickening isn't it!! I went out and a group of lads were talking to me all night, and it was clear they wouldn't have said no if I'd have offered it, but I didn't want to. Not even a kiss. Talking was as far as I was happy to let it go and even then all I really wanted to be talking to was him.

He's the first guy I've felt this way about since I had my heart broken a year ago tomorrow and when I'm with him it's like the world stops turning and it's just me and him. I could lie in his arms forever. I feel safe there, and he makes me feel special and pretty and beautiful and interesting and I love everything about us when we're together and every time I see him I can feel myself falling just a little bit deeper. But I won't. I can't let myself fall in love with him, as much as maybe I want to, because I don't feel like he'd ever really understand just how much he already means to me, let alone how much he could if he gave me the chance.

I want to get out of this limbo I seem to constantly be in, but how can I when all he seems to do is disappear. He left for 3 months last time, and I missed him so much, and I was so angry at him but I still let him back in.

Maybe I'm stupid... I honestly think I am. But I also think it could be worth it if he would just stop playing games with me.

I guess the phrase 'Treat 'em mean, Keep 'em keen' exists for a reason. And it's certainly working with me. I just hate how much of a sucker I am.

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