And your past, it knocks on your door and throws stones at your window at four in the morning

Miss independent said, oh she fell in love

I'm a little left off centre
I'm a little out of tune

Sometimes, being the girl that i am, i get a little irrational.

Sometimes, that time of the month gets to take over. If only for a second.

Sometimes, i get that feeling, and i worry without cause.

Sometimes, i need to force myself to switch my brain off.

Sometimes, it won't.

This is like nothing that has ever gone before, i don't feel upset, i don't feel paranoid, i don't feel as though the expected unexpectable is about to happen. I'm not second guessing and i'm not losing faith. I am simply falling. Falling, so incredibly fast into this amazing thing that i have wanted to be a part of for such a long time. Falling, into something that i never want to end. I am falling so fast that all i am wishing on is the future. That is the problem.

I'm so absorbed in this incredible feeling that i am forgetting to take time. I'm thinking so far ahead, about next week, next month, next year, even beyond that, that i am forgetting to experience the now.

Sometimes, i feel that i am so excited by the prospect of the future, that i miss the present.

Sometimes, i feel that i am currently so happy, that i am blind to the negatives.

Sometimes, i feel that i want so badly to be a part of this, that i am losing my independence.

Sometimes, i fear that i am so involved in being half of a pair that i forget how to live on my own.

Sometimes, i have to fight with everything that is in me to simply 'not care' just as much as i do.

My weakness is that i care too much <3

i wrote 222 words.

it seems the people who write in these books that i borrow are far too intelligent for my brain to follow. or maybe they're just dumb and over complicate sentences as not to draw attention to their lack of education. perhaps this is how i should approach my dissertation.

a collection of self doubt

The day grates away at me
passion falls to my feet
floating on by, trying not to drown
today is the beginning of hard times

I look in the mirror and all that’s reflected is failure
and I don’t stop to cry, I bottle it up and carry on

Sleep is calling me like a landslide

that I only wish I could crawl under
but to give in would be murder
so instead I lay awake and dream

With eyes open empty
and hearts full of hope
and wishing the passion still clung to myself
I look to the picture of you and i

Hope is restored
hope for the future
when this place is done and over

I wish away the time
for my life to start again
forget the past three years
of wasted money and effort
all in the name of a certificate to state for the record
how successfully I failed to amount to anything at all

I return home a nobody
with nothing to be proud of
except for the picture of you and i

Somebody told me once that one day i would find my --

I found my --

He was standing in front of me all along <3

The Nights I Live For

Tonight I wrote a song before bed. I think I'm at my most creative at night, it has no music to it yet as I'm not all that good at the playing, but here are the lyrics. Enjoy :)

Tonight was the first night in over a month
you held my hand and walked me home
you kissed me at the door, and you wished me good night
and then you pulled me close for one more

I watched your back as you walked away
and I slowly entered my room
thoughts flying fast, while the butterflies past
its night’s like these I live for

And I think you know but I’ll tell you anyway
that you’re the boy that I adore
I’d like to make plans with you and see them all come true
because you’re the boy that I adore

I get into bed as thoughts whirl through my head
and I think of my moments with you
That time on the train, the way you smiled that day
it was then I knew I loved you

the first time you kissed me
the time you gave me your shirt
the way you said ‘I’m crazy about you’
my thoughts flew so fast as the butterflies past
it’s the times like these I live for

And I think you know but I’ll tell you anyway
that you’re the boy that I adore
I’d like to make plans with you and see them all come true
because you’re the boy I live for