Updated

An update on my 100 Things to do list...

Things I want to achieve in my life before I die, no matter how small and insignificant they may seem to someone else, they mean something to me. Lets see how this goes...

1. Surprise myself of my abilities
May 2008. Women of Troy. Stourbridge College final performance.
2. Swim in the sea
3. Perform on Broadway and/or The West End
4. Go to see a show in London
August 2008. Avenue Q, Woman in Black & Sister Act.
5. Get to the top of Snowdon, Wales
6. Go back to Egypt
7. Volunteer in a 3rd world country/world disaster
8. Have a positive impact on someones life
I mark this one a different colour because although it is something I know I have already achieved it is still something I want to carry on achieving.
9. Start swimming regularly
10. Move out of home
June/Sept 2009. I moved to Worcester where I go to uni.
11. Learn to drive
12. Go ice skating
13. Learn about the world, history, current affairs etc.
14. Record an album

Aug 2010. Tom RDD - The City Limits. www.myspace.com/tomrdd
15. Write and record/sell my own song
16. Record and air my radio play
17. Perform in a full mask performance
Sept 2009. Vamos Theatre. 'Bed Baths & Bandages'
18. Open up my own (affordable) drama school
19. Learn guitar
20. Learn piano
21. Be part of a band and play a gig
22. Be in a film
2009. Expressive Arts Productions. 'Musik'. Shannon Knox.
23. Spend a night in a cell
24. Send a message in a bottle
25. Get a lift in a police car
April 2006. BP petrol station, Stourbridge - Stourbridge bus station. Avoiding chavs who had just beaten up my friends.
26. Hit someone over the head with a 'bottle' - movie style
27. Jump through a glass window - movie style
28. Write a book
29. Give modeling a shot
30. Get dreadlocks
31. Travel
32. Point randomly at a map and go to that place
33. Get my lip pierced

May 2010. Emily's Dangly Bits, Stourbridge.
34. Get my septum pierced
35. Learn another language
36. Sing on the tube and get people to join in
Aug 2009. National Youth Theatre Course 21. Returning from seeing Woman in Black.
37. Busk in the tube station
38. Give blood
39. Dye my hair GINGER

40. Spend a night in a hotel
41. Eat chicken

July 2010. Started eating chicken for the first time in 14 years.
42. Eat meat. Steak style!
43. Go scuba diving
44. Have a fake hen party
45.
46.
47. Get a degree
48.
49.
50. Give a stranger my number on a piece of paper
2008. On the train home. He never called.
51.
52. Read the dictionary
53. Shave my head
54. Go to Scotland
55. Kiss in the pouring rain
56. Touch a mans nipple
2009. Merry Hill car park. AJ.
57.
58. Run a marathon
59.
60. Drive to the seaside, sleep in the car, come home
61.
62. Learn to skateboard
63. Learn to rollerblade
64.
65.
66. Get over my fear and dislike for this number
67. Go to Ireland
68.
69. Knit a jumper
70.
71. Go rock climbing
72.
73. Learn, or at least attempt, to surf
74. Go paint balling - 10 Things I Hate About You style
75.
76.
77. Go to the Monday Mystery Movie at Odeon
78.
79.
80. Have children
81. Have my own pet
82.
83. Create my own cocktail
84.
85. Stand behind a waterfall
86. Sing at an important/special event
87. Dress up as a mermaid
2010. My 21st and a half birthday.
88.
89.
90.
91. Own my own house
92.
93.
94.
95. Go busking

May 2010. Worcester Town Centre. Me & Tom.

Aug 2010. Burgess Hill Town Centre. Me, Tom & Steve.
96.
97.
98.
99. Die on stage
100. Be buried at sea

By Popular Demand

Tomorrow I move into my new house. The house I will share with some of my closest friends. The house that will see me through my final year of uni. It is the house I was supposed to be sharing with the boy. Months before even thinking of packing my things to move in to the house, before even packing up my belongings to move out of 'The Bungabow', I was dreading living here. Scared to live with the boy when the boy was no longer my boy.

I cried for months, literally. Unable to think about anything other than facing living with a person I still had such strong feelings for. Made that much harder by knowing that he didn't feel the same. Knowing that I had lost one of my best friends, not only my boyfriend.

I moved out of 'The Bungabow' where so many memories belonged, back home, to my safe place. The place where he had no marker. Where he had never been. The place that was truly mine.

I logged on Facebook and felt my safe place slowly fade away. He had been there, visiting another friend. They had been to the shopping centre just streets away from my house, they had been to my friends work, got drunk, hung out. He now had his mark there too.

I went to Brighton to visit my best friend, the one who has been there for me quite possibly more than anyone else I know, and he had been there too. He had his memories there and I had mine. Separate of course, but all the same, they were there.

So I went to London, did a show. Met some amazing funny caring beautiful people and still all I could think and worry and cry about is how on earth I was going to cope, spending my last year of uni living with the-no-longer-boy.

Then I got a text that quite literally has changed everything.

The boy is no longer moving in, he got asked to live with some friends he hasn't had as much time seeing over the second year, so he thought he'd take this last opportunity to rebuild those friendships, spend the final year with them.

Some of my other house mates were livid, some took the news quite well. As for me, I cried. It was selfish, but I was angry. Angry that I had wasted three months of my summer crying over a problem that no longer existed. Angry that I had wasted all that happy time, not being happy. I was angry at myself for not being concerned about how this could affect our own contracts come September. I was angry at him for not rising to my want of an argument when I text him about it. I was angry when I finally read the Facebook message that told his nine friends he wasn't going to live in the epic house that is 61. And then I was angry at my friend who told me to grow and pair and get over it.

But I did get over it. I sat down and I thought about it. I talked to my friends in London about it, people who had no idea who this boy was or why I had found him so special. People who would look in, truly, completely, honestly, from the outside.

It was during these talks that I realised that I was over it. All of it. The breakup, the pain, the crying, the worrying, the friendships gained and lost. That I had maybe been over it a longer than I thought I had.

I had spent so much time worrying about what might be that I had missed out on three months of what was.

So tomorrow marks the day that I move in to the house that will see me through my final year of uni. The house which already has had its own little emotional roller coaster. The house which I cannot wait to move in to, to explore, to make new memories in. And most importantly, to laugh in.

I told my friend last night that as happy as I finally am, I do wonder what I am supposed to do with all this spare time on my hands. For the first time in about two years my mind isn't occupied worrying about some boy, some new heartache, some new way in which I've been wronged. And as lovely and incredible as it is, I do often wonder what I used to think about and talk about before the screw ups to the human race made an appearance in my life.

I guess I'm about to find out <3

Guess who's back

Sometimes, after all the shit life throws at you, you find that happy place that you have read about in books ever since you were little, that you have seen countless times in films, that you have dreamt about every night that you have managed to escape the nightmares and you have been promised actually does exist by every friend you have ever self-pityingly shared your problems with. And when you find that place, it is much much more beautiful than you ever could have imagined. I am quite honestly, completely, gratefully and thankfully the most content I have been in years. Bring on the rest of 2010.. I'm ready, waiting and smiling like Santa on Christmas morning while drinking his morning cup of tea :)

sometimes the most selfish of things can be the best way out
the end x

It's that time again

I am currently sipping tea in the room of one of my bestest friends after a week of invading his house, eating his food and drinking his drink. It has been an amazing week.

And while I sip this tea that his Dad has so kindly made me in an actual teapot I wait the departure time of my train. The train which will move me on from my week in Burgess Hill and onto my three weeks in Battersea Park, sleeping on the floor with ten of the most wonderful, kind and talented people I have ever know, most of whom I have not seen for a year.

I met these amazing people a year ago while I spent two weeks in Greenwich working at Laban Dance Studios with National Youth Theatre. They made my summer last year and I am sure they will, once again, make this one.

We are going to be spending three very busy busy weeks devising, rehearsing and performing as part of NYTs summer season, in what is going to be their most ambitious production to date. It is called S'Warm and looks into Einstein's theory of the death of the Bea equalling the death of the planet and will involve 500 NYT members.

As far as I am aware my small group of friends from Summer Course 2009 - Course 21, will mostly be there, sleeping on the floor of probably the most generous person I know.

This summer has already been amazing, recording in the studio with my best friend on his solo album, and now I get to do this too. I cannot wait for this summer to commence!

[21] <3

Forget regret or life is yours to miss

This Aint A Love Song